I'm not giving them. I'm actually in need of them.
I am specifically in search of tips on how to pee in a public bathroom and NOT get sprayed in the ass with dirty toilet water. Maybe there is some kind of protocol for sitting on a toilet and not activating the automatic flusher that no one ever told me. I'm dying to know the secret.
Every time I use one of these mystifying contraptions,(which is VERY rarely because I'm more of a go at home kind of girl) I am just sitting there takin care of business and WHAM! toilet water spraying all over my ass. They just randomly decide to flush and simultaneously scare the shit out of me and give me an unwanted mist of germ water.
I think the "hover not cover" technique combined with my not so wonderful balance has something to do with it. I'm always in a half tip-toed squatting down position that inevitably results in some off balance moments that make the toilet think I'm getting up and so it flushes, but I'm not done. I tried to adopt a go at home only policy which mostly worked, but having a fetus dancing on your bladder all day doesn't really leave you much room to decide when or where you are gonna go.
We are trying to potty train my daughter right now. I may need to enlist some help because I am obviously not the best woman for the job.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I'm being attacked!
Right now at work I am being driven crazy by fruit flies. Tiny, little, disgusting fruit flies that just keep coming back for more no matter how many of them I kill. I spend my work days swatting them away, smashing them on my desk, and waving my arms around to get them out of my face. I look like a total psycho.
Some moron at my office bought a CASE ( yes, he needed an entire case!!!) of bananas AND a case of pineapples to work the other day. It seems he was hanging out at the local gas station when a guy came in with an offer that was too sweet to pass up. He got the two cases of fruit and some other random groceries that "fell off the back of a truck" for $20. That's how I do all of my grocery shopping: from strangers at the gas station.
After scoring this sweet deal, he brings it to work with him. This joker filled our tiny little mini fridge with premixed salad greens, salsa, yogurt, and random other food he purchased at the gas station leaving no room for anyone else to put their lunches in there. Then he puts the cases of fruit on the kitchen floor, and just leaves all the crap there in our work kitchen. Since there are not too many people in our office, and we're not too big on cutting up whole pineapples to snack on, this fruit has just been sitting on the kitchen floor getting all kinds of nasty for the last week until the cleaning lady couldn't take it anymore and threw whatever was left away.
And now I am being attacked by fruit flies at my desk.
The worst part of this whole fruit fly infestation is that they seem to be only bothering me. I don't see any of my co-workers swatting and killing the little bastards while they sit at their desks. Wtf?? Something about me is attracting the little buggers. So, if anyone knows how torepel fruit flies I would be glad to know.
Some moron at my office bought a CASE ( yes, he needed an entire case!!!) of bananas AND a case of pineapples to work the other day. It seems he was hanging out at the local gas station when a guy came in with an offer that was too sweet to pass up. He got the two cases of fruit and some other random groceries that "fell off the back of a truck" for $20. That's how I do all of my grocery shopping: from strangers at the gas station.
After scoring this sweet deal, he brings it to work with him. This joker filled our tiny little mini fridge with premixed salad greens, salsa, yogurt, and random other food he purchased at the gas station leaving no room for anyone else to put their lunches in there. Then he puts the cases of fruit on the kitchen floor, and just leaves all the crap there in our work kitchen. Since there are not too many people in our office, and we're not too big on cutting up whole pineapples to snack on, this fruit has just been sitting on the kitchen floor getting all kinds of nasty for the last week until the cleaning lady couldn't take it anymore and threw whatever was left away.
And now I am being attacked by fruit flies at my desk.
The worst part of this whole fruit fly infestation is that they seem to be only bothering me. I don't see any of my co-workers swatting and killing the little bastards while they sit at their desks. Wtf?? Something about me is attracting the little buggers. So, if anyone knows how torepel fruit flies I would be glad to know.
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